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Just a Very Few Boating Things Ive Learned

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On: Mon, May 24, 2010 at 5:54PM | By: Lee Clymer

I love living on a boat. It is an endless learning experience. A day that doesn’t bring a challenge means you probably were on vacation somewhere and wondering what was breaking while you weren’t on the boat. Things just tend to break when you’re not on the boat. I have indeed learned a lot living on a boat. I learned the most likely time you will get waked is getting in the dinghy. I learned cell phones have a natural attraction to heads. Let’s see… oh yeah. Never approach a dock any faster than you want to hit it. All good things to know.  There are a few rules, though, I would like to pass on to you. These are pretty much hard and fast rules, with few exceptions. I know there will be some people out there who will think up some exceptions, but they’re probably the same people who questioned the priest about lust in an effort to get around the rule.

  1. Things that rub on a boat are trouble. There’s no doubt about it. Lines rubbing on the dock, gelcoat rubbing against anything, or even something in a locker rubbing against something else in a locker are all bad things. Bad, bad things and they will cause problems. I know, I know, I know… just get your mind out of the gutter and check for things that rub. It will save you problems later and ease your mind while you’re on vacation.
  2. 2. All your things should always remain secured. If you leave a glass on the table, for instance, there will be a strong wind or some other reason for the boat to rock. That is always bad since the glass that spills will probably be the last drink available onboard, and you won’t be able to drive for more because of the three before the one that spilled. Calling your ex will probably not be an option.
  3. While this is a hard and fast rule on my boat, it may not be on yours, but you probably should consider it. No candles. Not the lavender smelly kind, not the ones that are somewhat enclosed, and definitely not one that is in a saucer held down only by its own wax. For that matter, definitely not the smelly kind, either. First, there are few ways to secure them and we’ve already discussed that, but the big thing is, if you don’t know, they have fire coming out of the top in a perpetual manner until they burn down and set whatever is holding them on fire. I don’t think we have to take that further. For that matter, I don’t think we have to take the smelly kind thing any further, either. I’m sure you get it.
  4. The person that brags about their helming prowess will be the scariest of captains. I don’t know what captain factory churns these people out, but they always scare me. When they start talking about all the things they did behind the wheel that were wondrous, my first thought is how did they get in the position they had to be so wondrous in the first place; and second, why would you want to talk about it. To me it’s like saying I stopped the blood from the wombat bite perfectly and saved my own life. And… why were you bitten by a wombat?
  5. When you pop a breaker on a boat, find out why it popped immediately, or just leave it off. A breaker kicks because there is too much current. Too much current heats the wire it travels through, and in going back to the candles, fire on a boat is not good. In fact, it is downright scary, especially on a gas-burning power boat. I don’t really hate explosions, as long as I am not a part of them. No one likes a good building implosion better than I, unless I am in the building. I am pretty sure I would feel the same way about a boat.

Well, there are just five of the rules of boating I adhere to. They do deal with a lot fire things and explosion things, but I still think they’re good ones. I know there are a lot of others; I’ll be thinking these things over and will add to them at a later date. I highly suggest you commit these to memory until then, however. Men, even if your wife loves smelly candles, don’t let her aboard unless there are no matches, and even then, I think it’s questionable.


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